Speed Racer Drinking Game Rules
messypeaches and I went to see Speed Racer tonight. We took a taxi and a flask of Captain Morgan Parrot Bay Pineapple Rum, bought two large cokes, and made ourselves pineapple rum and cokes once they lowered the lights for the previews. Let me just say here that she and I agree, pineapple rum goes excellently in coke. Our flask held ten ounces, so that's five ounces each, distributed in the giant movie theatre sized cokes, or about three shots apiece. So we're not completely hammered here or anything, just pleasantly impaired. Anyway the taxi was to keep us from being road menaces.
I had low expectations for this film. I mean, I grew up watching Speed Racer after school in the 70's. It was my first taste of anime, and you can see why it took me until Ghost in the Shell and Princess Mononoke and Cowboy Bebop to get back into it, if you know anything about the old Speed Racer cartoons.
Just like the anime, the live action version featured speed lines, and had Speed and Trixie and Sparky and Mom and Pops and Chim Chim and Spritle, and of course, Racer X. I never cared for Chim Chim and Spritle much in the anime, and they kind of sucked here as well. Momo says, "fuck that fucking monkey." But they stuck to the tropes from the anime, including Racer X/dead older brother angst, hand-wringing anxiety about fixed races and crooked drivers, and the idiot Spritle and his monkey sidekick stowing away in the trunk of the Mach 5 and showing up at a critical moment to save the day with a well-placed rock from a slingshot. Momo leaned over during the film to inquire about that thusly: "What the hell is a race car doing with a trunk?"
The Mach 5 was anime-perfect, and had the A-F buttons on the steering wheel and everything. And the races were conducted on fantastic scaled up Matchbox Car tracks the likes of which you could only fantasize about having enough track to construct when you were a kid. Loops and ramps and jumps and absurd vertical drops and crazy spaghetti interweavings. It was awesome.
Over all the show was campy, with a purple-shirted and rather fey villain, and a lot of really silly bad guys, and ridiculous car acrobatics, and visual effects that probably will be blamed for inducing seizures in some ten-year-old when it's released to DVD.
Did I mention it was awesome?
The campiness totally worked, but what worked even better was the extreme hotness of some of the actors. Leather daddy Racer X for one, and Rain playing racer Taejo Togokan, who was his bitch in white leather with a dragon winding around it, and at the end Joon Park as Yakuza Racer, with white spiky anime hair and tattoos, shaving with a straight razor. Momo and I would happily have traded a good half hour of story development scenes for five more minutes of screen time for Joon Park. The double gasps from our seats when he appeared were priceless.
The slash potential was high there, oh yes.
Anyway these are the rules for the drinking game:
Take a drink whenever:
1. You see or hear the words, "Go Speed!"
2. There is a car crash. This includes drawings of car crashes.
3. You see speed lines, shoujo hearts, or ninja.
4. The Mach 5 vaults over or around an obstacle or other car.
5. Anyone pushes a button or flicks a switch on their car's dashboard to launch some kind of offensive or defensive weapon, like the Mach 5's razor wheels, or Snake Oiler's oil-slick. Or the bee hive catapult. No seriously.
6. The first appearance in a new scene of that stupid monkey.
7. Any time a scene is absolutely rife with sexual undertones and/or you are thinking "those two (or three or four) so need to get in bed together"
8. Any time Racer X does something cool.
9. Any time random hot chicks in revealing dresses show up.
10. When Joon Park finally shows up (near the end) because you will need to cool yourself down. He's that hot. Seriously.
We could probably add more rules, but ten seems like a good number. It worked for us anyway.
Tomorrow we go see Iron Man completely sober. However if we were going to make a drinking game for Iron Man the rules would be considerably simpler:
1. Any time Tony Stark takes a drink, take a drink.
2. If they stuck to the original comic, there is no need for a rule two, or any additional rules. You'll be completely hammered by Rule One alone. Alcohol poisoning is a distinct possibility.
Finally, for your viewing pleasure, Rain and Joon Park (who were in a band called g.o.d. together) chilling on a bed. Did we mention the slash possibilities being high?
and here's a link to a dance-off between Rain and Steven Colbert. No, really. Smokin' hot.